On Coping and Moving On
It may not be pleasant to hear, but more often than we like, we handle cases where the ending is indeed the truth, but is nonetheless an unpleasant one. Many times too, we see people totally crushed and dejected, and depressed by what they’ve discovered. Some, naturally, wished they never knew (something which we discussed would be even more damaging, especially in the long run).
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The key to taking bad news is the ability to be able to cope and move on. This lets you enjoy all the other possibilities out there, whether in love or in business or in both. Here are a few pointers that can guide you to getting over the hurt and pain someone brought on you.
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Accept things as they are.
Your situation, whatever it may be, is what it is. You need to accept that. And take note, acceptance is quite different from just knowing. Accepting means not only reconciling yourself with something, but absorbing it and taking into yourself as something that WAS part of your life. Once you know and accept that it’s over and done with, the closer you are to looking forward to possibly better and newer things instead of always looking back at a scarred past.
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Keep yourself busy.
Find something to fill in the void. Take up a hobby – photography, stamp collecting, golf, paintball – anything to help you keep your mind off unpleasant things. You’ll get used to it after awhile, and realize you’ve suddenly gotten over it.
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Help others.
Some also try to channel their emotions into helping others – involving themselves in charity and good deeds – taking into perspective the problems of those less fortunate than yourself may make you realize that many people make do with much less than you have – and we don’t mean only in material and financial terms.
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Never be afraid to be honest with yourself.
Being in touch with yourself is also one of the keys to being able to move on. If you feel like sobbing, find a place you can be in, alone, and let your emotions run free. It will make you feel much worse to keep everything bottled up. If you also have a friend or any other person you feel like talking to about it, then do so. Not only will they help you let things out, they might also be able to give you comfort and good advice. It’s normal to feel a host of feelings ranging from anger to sadness (and even weird and random, short-lived spurts of happiness from time to time) as you grieve for whatever it is you have lost. The key is not to make that period last too long.
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Whatever happens, you always have a choice. There are always good things to look forward to if you look hard enough. Like in one movie where two old men are diagnosed with terminal cancer, they look past their situation and commit themselves to rediscovering and enjoying the last days they had. And we know that most of you out there don’t have anything anywhere near that. But the point is that if they can move on, so can you. Who knows, the truth this time around may be a pleasant one this time around.
October 23rd, 2009 at 11:37
What great and positive post! I’ll be the first to admit that I feel depressed about so many things in my life so many times, but reading this as honestly made me think of what else I can accomplish and enjoy. I’m one of those guys who was fooled and left by my Thai girlfriend, and after all that time and effort and money I spent, it just feels awful to discover that she never felt anything for me. Sad and sappy as that sounds, it is true for me. But reading this, I see another perspective and how suddenly small my problem is right now that everything’s out in the open. Thank you and more power to your blog and agency!
October 24th, 2009 at 19:38
I second the post of geneforte. There’s so much negative energy flowing around these days and I am glad that a PI blog, of all places, chooses to post something positive and uplifting. It’s a breath of fresh air among all these pessimistic outlooks and situations I’ve been reading and seeing everywhere. And though you talk about a more personal and intimate topic here, I can understand how emotional pain can be really hard to deal with at times, and seeing a solution posted here, instead of just some sob story you could have shared with us, my hat’s off to you guys. Great read!
October 25th, 2009 at 22:38
Thank you guys for all your comments and positive response! @simplemind, that exact negativism was what drove me to post something about how to feel positive in spite of feeling emotional pain. We’ve seen clients who, while appreciating our efforts in getting to the bottom of things, also feel down when the truth is unpleasant. Businessmen who find out that their partner is cheating on them; spouses, boyfriends and girlfriends who discover infidelity and unfaithfulness – all that jazz. But the thing is, as long as we’re alive, I am confident that we can always look forward to good things to come.