Stop the Lying!
Lying is one of the most destructive factors that destroy all sorts of relationships, both professional and emotional. It’s just hard, and even downright impossible to maintain good relations with someone who is leading you around and abusing the trust you give to him or her. And to say that lying is destructive can even be viewed as an understatement. Especially if the lying is left undetected, the damage it does over time accumulates, and when the truth finally comes out, the results are almost always devastating.
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In our line of work, we have seen so many people damaged by lying and false relationships, again, both professional and emotional. Liars have no place in the life of someone who wants to live peacefully and succeed in life. Which is why many of the cases we take are more or less related to some sort of trouble that is caused by lying and falsehood. We know the dangers of having a liar in one’s life – we’ve seen how destructive it can be in the lives and situations of the clients who come to us for help. So it is important that you be able to discern if you are being lied to, and take the steps to confirm if you are in a false relationship, and if you are, get out of it. Here are some tips to spot liars:
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1. Look at how the person speaks to you.
Liars naturally don’t lie to you all the time, they do it when it suits them, which is especially during a decisive moment or when asked to confirm something, like when, for example, you ask a girlfriend about where she was during a particular time, or when you ask a business partner about some figures that don’t seem to match up. Look for changes in the way a person speaks to you the rate of speech, and breathing patterns – abrupt changes in the middle of a normal conversation might be a sign that you are being lied to.
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2. Look at the kind of words he or she uses
Psychologically, liars will almost always try to distance themselves from the falsehoods they try to feed you. They’ll avoid using words like “I,” “me,” and “mine.” And because lies are, well, not true, they lack the usual complexity of real events, which is why liars will also avoid words like “but,” “nor,” “except,” and “whereas.”
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3. Look at his or her facial expressions
Most liars try to mask everything with a smile, but when you look at his or her face closely, you’ll see flashes of things sometimes slip through the mask. Proof, that the smile is not genuine, and you shouldn’t be pulled in and fooled by the facade. Liars also tend to look away when faced with direct questions, even simple ones.
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4. Acts inconsistently
If this man or woman acts differently from what you’re used to, something is bound to be amiss.
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Just remember the old adage that says, ‘when there’s smoke, there’s fire.’ In lying, it’s the same thing – if you feel suspicion, have a PI agency confirm your suspicions or quash them. Don’t let things get out of hand (usually without you knowing it) by letting suspicions be left unanswered and unresolved.
September 3rd, 2010 at 22:29
This is a very informative blog post! I am really averse top liars and I agree that they do nothing but destroy you and everything they get close to when they are in someone’s life, in any sort of capacity. Lying only benefits the liar, much to the detriment of the people that surround him or her. Zero tolerance is my policy towards these blokes, and I have run across many in my life, and I have no regrets putting them out of my life. I do not do anyone wrong or deceive anyone, and I deserve the same kind of treatment from the people I choose to associate myself with.
September 4th, 2010 at 11:33
I have personally caught liars with steps 1 and 3. I tell you, they work. Glad to know that there are other ways of spotting people who are trying to deceive you. It’s hard – mostly on the mind – to be able to spot when someone’s lying to you. It’s even mo difficult when it’s someone whom you have chosen to give your trust to. But well, no one can lie – at least effectively lie – to you if you don’t trust them in the first place, which is basically the whole tragedy of it all.
September 5th, 2010 at 17:00
Great post mate! Glad to have stumbled upon this very useful blog while I was looking for some stuff about Thailand. I’ll be bound to Bangkok in a few days and decided to polish up by doing some reading. I’m very excited to work there for a while, and I have heard so many good things about the place, and this kind of stuff has tempered me down, rightly so, I might add, since it takes away a lot of the naiveté I realised I had before I got here. Thanks again and more power to you!
September 6th, 2010 at 14:04
j.stangeways: thanks for leaving a comment! Zero tolerance policy should be everyone’s attitude towards lying, I daresay people will be forced to be more straightforward should this be the case, and we can always use more honesty in the world.
juliusno: it IS a big tragedy that you only get fooled and lied to when you trust a person, and no one can simple do everything by himself or even with a certain level of distrust against everyone. That’s just tiring. A tragedy, indeed.
quarrel: Thailand IS a beautiful country filled with beautiful people. But like everywhere else in the world, this place isn’t perfect either, and we assist people who run afoul of the ‘imperfections’ they experience.