Thailand Investigations Blog
Do You Want to Know the Truth?

One of the more interesting things I’ve come across the internet recently is the question of whether kids were old enough to use social networking websites. In this day and age where it becoming more and more common to have access to the World Wide Web and where more and more people are getting the hang of using a computer, the number of internet users all around the world have increased exponentially.

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Of course, back into the context of what I first mentioned, it only follows that more kids will become aware of the internet and inevitably begin to use it and eventually discover social networking. So now we are faced with the question of whether kids are old enough to use these kinds of websites. The general consensus is that kids still have little or no grasp of the responsibilities and implications of using the internet, and are bound to be driven more by their inherent curiosity without having a sense of responsibility and even common sense that should be a part of internet usage etiquette.

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Being able to monitor your computers is one way you can make sure that your kids aren’t straying from the bounds you’ve set for them. It’s all too easy for the wrong kind of people to take advantage of your kids’ naiveté and innocence and use them for their own personal ends. From the dreadful pedophiles to hackers or criminals who use your kids to gain access into your system, responsible parent should always take steps to make sure that their kids are protected from these kinds of people.

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This is where computer monitoring software comes in. Part of the services we offer include computer monitoring through which you can track the computer activity of a particular system/s you want to monitor. You’ll be able to see what kind sites are usually visited, view any correspondence made using your computer, and see in general the kind of activity that goes on in the system. This will make it possible for you to be able to step in when for feel that there’s something wrong, and thus shield your kids from having unpleasant experiences through the internet.

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Child protection is just only one of the many applications of such technology, and you can expand its use as you see fit.

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In this day and age, it is important that you are able to be aware of all the possible loopholes in your security, and that includes your personal life. Computer monitoring software is a very versatile and useful application that you will no doubt find to be of great use to you. The internet is indeed a wonderful way for your kids to learn new things, and also be able to bond with you – through watching videos, sending greetings to relatives and loved ones, playing games, etcetera – but there are also dangers and responsibilities attached to internet use that might be too much for a child (or even a teenager’s) mind to grasp and / or appreciate.

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With the holiday season kicking in around the world, and with a new year approaching, people are always looking for ways to augment their income, especially since a lot are still reeling from the effects of the global economic recession.

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While the new year does offer new, legitimate possibilities and opportunities for everyone, it is a sad fact that there are those that seek to take advantage of people’s desire to put up a business or use their money in more productive ventures like investment. Many have reported a rise in the number or business scams and many have also fallen victim to these unscrupulous crooks.

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However, the good news is that you can always be on your guard against these people and these kinds of operations, if only you follow a few basic tips:

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1. Remember, there is no such thing as low risk, high profit.

Remember what caused the economic slump in the first place? The fall of one of the biggest international financial institutions in the world. This was because they had a lot of misplaced investments which did not pan out – in short, they took a gamble and a risk, and it failed. Should things have turned out differently, the company would have raked in millions of dollars in profits. Big risk = big returns or big failure. So if anybody tries to tell you otherwise, well, think twice. And thrice.

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2. Have a background check done.

Especially if you plan on entering into a business partnership, you need to know what kind of person you are going to be trusting with one half of your business. You need to know all about his or her capacity to run a business, or if he or she has some skeletons in the closet you need to know about.

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The same goes for a company you are investing in – have it checked out first and see if it’s legit and reputable enough to trust your money to it.

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3. Always have a legal contract.

You always need to have a legal foothold when you enter into a business agreement with anyone. Anything just verbal is an invitation for trouble, so you always have to cover all bases – especially the legal one before forking out time, effort, and money into any business venture.

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4. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

Once you start earning profits, try to recoup the capital you invested first before investing again. This is so you can at least secure your initial capital in case anything goes wrong. One of the reasons people get victimized all the time is because of greed. Be practical and protect yourself first at all times.

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Business and investing is really a good way to use your money and make it more productive. However, not all opportunities pan out or are legit, so you always need to be sure of where you are putting it. It’s bad enough that there’s always a risk involved without you having to contend with the hassle of being scammed.

Actual unit may differ from the one seen here.

From time to time we here at Thailand Investigations get a bit of faced paced – although not necessarily dangerous – cases. As we’ve probably mentioned before, no case is alike, and things can develop one way or another, so it’s difficult to anticipate what will happen next, which is what happened in one of our most recent cases, where if not the GPS tracking device, things would have developed into a much more difficult and troublesome situation both for us and the client.

What happened was that our client initially suspected that his wife of two years and mother to their one year old daughter was cheating on him with another man. Of course, of the things we recommended he do was to install a GPS tracking device in her car to help him and us keep track of her movements and have concrete data to prove whether or not she was cheating on him.

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Of course, as things unfolded, she was indeed cheating on him, and was seeing other men for extra money. Out client was by no means financially challenged, but well, what can you say to someone who wants more than what she already has? Greed was what unmade her and ruined what would be a good life with her husband has she learned to be content with what she had. They had a healthy and beautiful little girl as well, so it was really a good life.

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Of course, things happen.

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Against our advice, our client decided to confront his wife with the cheating. Harsh words and a heated argument ensued, with the woman fleeing in the middle of the night when they were all asleep. It would have been a minor thing had she not decided to bring her daughter with her as leverage. She called up her husband the next morning and demanded a monthly sustenance for their daughter. Of course, what really made the case was the GPS tracking device that she still had in her car, which allowed us to be able to trace her whereabouts and get back the child to her father and away from her enterprising mother.

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What could have become a long and drawn out problem of hide and seek was instead immediately resolved because of the use of the GPS tracking device. It offers real time coordinated and location data which has a myriad of used, the above example being only one of the many ways that this can influence how a case ends. We here in Thailand Investigation really believe in using the latest available technology to enhance the kind of service we deliver to our clients. The speedy and clear resolution on any case is our highest priority, which is why we offer GPS tracking services. It is not only a invaluable part of our arsenal, but it also has it’s practical value for our clients, who are able to receive concrete evidence and data instead of simply relying on our word.

(This is the continuation of our story from last week’s post; please see previous post for earlier details)

When Jared’s father was back in Thailand, he resumed the search for his son. He approached a second private investigation agency, which this time, was us. He told us the complete story of how everything happened, and gave us every detail he could about his wife and what he knew about her.

Our search was very hard, as it is always one of the most difficult tasks for a private investigator to find missing people, especially people who are hiding out. Needless to say, we spent about 3-4 months in the investigation, and finally, we caught a break and located both the Jared and his mother.

Unfortunately, the mother’s drug habit had become more pronounced. She had taken the habit of leaving her child with her mother, who, despite an advanced aged and being a widow, was doing her best to take care of a healthy and active baby boy while worrying for her daughter’s safety. When we talked to her and explained the situation, she was relieved that we would be taking Jared to his father, as she understood that his father loved the boy and would take good care of him.

We then went to the father and explained the situation to him. While he was greatly saddened by the situation regarding his wife, his priority was the boy and getting him away from the bad influence of his mother.

Fortunately, we did not encounter his mother when the father went to pick Jared up, and while there was some confusion with the boy at first, he was able to recognize his father after a while. To try to describe the reunion of father and son would be to be a disservice to the whole moment, but suffice to say, it was one of the most heart-warming moments we have ever seen in our line of work.

Now, father and son have gone back to the dad’s home country, so as to avoid any more trouble with Jared’s mother in the future.

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With the holidays just around the corner, it’s really appropriate that this happened. It’s really a welcome break from the usual run of cases we get. As we’ve stated in previous posts of this nature, there are really very few instances in this life that we’ve seen such a profound moment like the reunion of two loved ones.

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Before we end then, I’d just like to briefly describe things Jared’s father could have done to prevent all this:

1. Have a background check on the wife. He should have had a background check done before committing to anything.

2. Hire a private investigator early in the game. If he had hired a PI, then he would have been better able to keep tabs on his wife, and probably would not have needed to undergo all those months of searching – a GPS receiver in the car would have given considerable amount of leads to investigators should the mother have tried to hide.

Jared was about two when his mother took him away from his father, an accounting manager in a prestigious international company. Assigned to Thailand to oversee the local office of the company in Bangkok, his father fell in love with a local Thai girl he met in a bar. She was not a dancer or go-go girl or anything, just someone whom his father met there. They talked a bit, ordered some drinks, and hit it off. The dating and the courting followed, and after about six months, they got married.

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They lived together for another year and a half, until the girl became pregnant with Jared. 9 months later, a bouncing baby boy was born, and after a year, that’s when the problems started.

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After a while, the wife became distant, and the husband sensed that something was amiss and suspicious. Like all trusting men, he did not pay attention to it much, and assumed it had something to do with the effort of taking care of the baby and things like that. However, he noticed that the nanny they hired was the one who was spending more time with their son, and his wife went out more and more. This went on for several months, until he decided to follow her one day and discovered that she was having another affair with another expat, and was only keeping him and his son for financial security. What’s more, to his horror, he discovered that she was starting to take drugs and go to wild parties. This was when she thought that he would be working overtime into the night. To her credit, she hid it well when they were together, and there was not a scent of liquor or anything suspicious when she was home. There was just the coldness.

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The first few weeks, Jared’s father was in a state of depression, which he escaped by working all the time. This, in turn, gave the mother more excuse and reason to go out and do her thing, leaving baby Jared to be cared for by the nanny. When the father decided to confront the mother, she responded by leaving in the middle of the night, taking the baby with her.

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Since the father had no idea about the background of his wife, he simply could not find her. He went to all the places he knew (or though he knew) she would have gone to, but it was all in vain. A few days after, he received a call from his wife, indicating that he would not see his son again. The first time he went to a private detective but the agency was unable to locate his wife and child. His search was put off for a bit when he had to go back to his home country for the annual report he did every year, but he resumed his efforts when he got back to Thailand.

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(to be continued)

Here we continue our discussion on the techniques that manipulators use to get their way. Some are subtle, and some are easy enough to spot, but it is a sad fact that many are unaware that they are being manipulated by certain people who are around them. Often times, the victims are clueless since they trust the person and because a number of these techniques are so hard to spot. Manipulation plays on the feeling of another person, and this is what manipulators exploit to the fullest.

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We talked about guilt before, which is what manipulators use in several techniques, one of which is pretending to be the victim. Here, the manipulator puts the spotlight on the other person, and tries to portray himself or herself as the victim. For example, Person A is a bit suspicious of Person B. Person B will then proceed to portray himself / herself as a victim, accusing Person A of not trusting him or her, of not loving him or her, or some other ploy to make it look like things should be the other way around. But you’ll notice here that by playing the victim, Person B inadvertently goes on the offensive by subtly accusing Person A and making him or her feel guilty.

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Another technique manipulators often use is something called pretending to be subservient. What manipulators do here is pretend to support a goal or task, allowing himself or herself to become a follower of the other person. But in truth, the manipulator has his or her own agenda, and by becoming a follower he or she becomes less suspicious and even appears helpful and supportive.

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And of course, there’s seduction. It an obvious technique, but many find it hard to resist. For many, seduction makes them forget about all their defences and simply give in. This is what wily manipulators are counting on. Sometimes they’re just teasing you and want to get what they want without necessarily giving you what you want, but it is also not unheard of some going all the way just to get what they want. Of course, seduction does not start overtly, which is what makes it an effective tactic. A manipulator will of course try to get you to open up and trust him or her, and once you do, everything’s downhill from there.

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Remember, manipulators rely on their ability to feel and exploit other people’s feelings. You need to always be alert and aware about yourself so can identify if you are being manipulated. You need to be honest with yourself – which is not always an easy thing to do – because failing to do that is precisely what a manipulator wants you to do. When you are dishonest with yourself, the manipulator gains the power to exploit what you really feel but won’t admit to yourself. It’s important that you always have a mental guard up so that you are safe. Remember that trust is always earned, and not immediately given at the onset.

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This is a continuation of the last post we had where we talked about putting an end to being manipulated. Many people become unwitting victims of manipulation, twisted and turned around by other people for their own ends. These hapless victims are usually left in the dust, ruined – financially or emotionally, or both – and left to fend for themselves. It is always important to understand the techniques used by manipulators so you can be better aware if you are being wiggled by unseen puppet strings.

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Lying

You will probably remember that a few posts ago, we talked about lying. For obvious reason, lying is included in a manipulator’s arsenal of “skills”. It complements their efforts and since they really do not care about anything else besides their own well-being, they will not hesitate to use lies and falsehoods whenever it suits them. You only think they care about yours because they only APPEAR to care – but when push comes to shove, they will leave you in heartbeat.

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Playing dumb and denial.

One great way of misdirection that many manipulative people employ is to act dumb. For many people, the normal attitude would be to preserve pride and always appear to know better. It’s the reverse for manipulative people. This pride is precisely what manipulators capitalize on when they try to act dumb and appear to be less knowledgeable than they really are. This way, they become less suspicious because people normally dismiss them automatically. The dismissal in turn, gives the manipulator more freedom to do what she or she wants – covertly and discreetly – because no suspicion is cast on him or her.

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In line with playing dumb is denial, which manipulators often use. Pleading to be clueless or without knowledge of anything is another classic manipulator trait. They will not admit to anything that might compromise them in any way, and will stick to that no matter what.

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Rationalization.

Rationalization is when someone offers a justification for a seemingly inappropriate mode of behaviour, pleading it to be the rational or logical course of action. Manipulators will often use this tactic to convince you to do something you are not comfortable doing, and give you supposed logical reasons why what they are proposing is the right thing to do. The goal is to make you doubt yourself and say, “Gee, I never thought of it that way before.”

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Shaming.

Shaming in public is another way manipulators use to get their way. The shaming here is not really outright, but more subtle, but direct enough that the person manipulated will understand what it means. The goal here is to make the subject feel embarrassed and inadequate so that he or she starts deferring to the manipulator, for fear of being embarrassed again. The offense on the part of the person being manipulated might be real or invented by the manipulator, but since no one likes being embarrassed, it encourages having a more passive attitude, particularly towards the shamer / manipulator, allowing the latter to be the dominant party in the relationship.

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In a few weeks ago, we talked about being able to detect when a person is lying. But when you look at a bigger picture, lying is just a part of a greater ill – which many of you have been a victim of: MANIPULATION.

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It is an unfortunate fact we will come across at least one manipulative person during the course of our lives. Sometimes we are lucky enough to catch and detect him or her while it is still early and thus spare ourselves the agony of facing betrayal in the future. But as it is the very nature of a manipulator to divert attention from himself / herself and remain undetected, more often than not, most people only find out too late.

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Manipulators are crafty people. They are intelligent – not necessarily academically, but they are very in tune with the feelings of other people which is why they always know what to do and say.

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The best way to counter being manipulated is to understand how manipulators think, and know the techniques they use – consciously or unconsciously – to make you feel the way they want you to feel.

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And because I plan to discuss this at length, which I hope will enlighten all you readers out there, this series on manipulation will continue for awhile as we delve into the physics and the kind of mindset of these manipulators and their behavior towards others. Who knows, you might just be one of the victims, and you just don’t know it.

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It’s never about him, it’s all about you.

At first this might seem like a good thing, but trust us, it isn’t. This is the basic principle that lies in the heart of every manipulator’s technique – he or she makes you focus on yourself, most especially on your faults so that you don’t see where he or she is wrong. Manipulators capitalize on your tendency to trust and give the benefit of the doubt so that you end up questioning yourself rather than him or her. And while this principle is not so bad in general terms – who doesn’t commit mistakes, anyway – manipulators abuse this to achieve their own ends. Introspection is not a bad thing to do, but what manipulators do is make you do that ALL THE TIME.

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Passive aggression and open aggression.

Manipulators are always on the offensive. Sometimes you feel it, and sometimes you don’t, but the basic point is that they never truly give in. There are the two types of aggression that they use – one is a passive approach while another is open aggression. Each has its own functions and uses. Open aggression is easy enough to distinguish, but passive aggression is much harder to distinguish. Oftentimes manipulators divert the conversation to focus on your weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Usually they disguise this aggression by pretending to be hurt or by giving subtle suggestions. The effect is that you don’t see you are being abused, and thus fall into their trap.

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It may not be pleasant to hear, but more often than we like, we handle cases where the ending is indeed the truth, but is nonetheless an unpleasant one. Many times too, we see people totally crushed and dejected, and depressed by what they’ve discovered. Some, naturally, wished they never knew (something which we discussed would be even more damaging, especially in the long run).

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The key to taking bad news is the ability to be able to cope and move on. This lets you enjoy all the other possibilities out there, whether in love or in business or in both. Here are a few pointers that can guide you to getting over the hurt and pain someone brought on you.

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Accept things as they are.

Your situation, whatever it may be, is what it is. You need to accept that. And take note, acceptance is quite different from just knowing. Accepting means not only reconciling yourself with something, but absorbing it and taking into yourself as something that WAS part of your life. Once you know and accept that it’s over and done with, the closer you are to looking forward to possibly better and newer things instead of always looking back at a scarred past.

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Keep yourself busy.

Find something to fill in the void. Take up a hobby – photography, stamp collecting, golf, paintball – anything to help you keep your mind off unpleasant things. You’ll get used to it after awhile, and realize you’ve suddenly gotten over it.

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Help others.

Some also try to channel their emotions into helping others – involving themselves in charity and good deeds – taking into perspective the problems of those less fortunate than yourself may make you realize that many people make do with much less than you have – and we don’t mean only in material and financial terms.

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Never be afraid to be honest with yourself.

Being in touch with yourself is also one of the keys to being able to move on. If you feel like sobbing, find a place you can be in, alone, and let your emotions run free. It will make you feel much worse to keep everything bottled up. If you also have a friend or any other person you feel like talking to about it, then do so. Not only will they help you let things out, they might also be able to give you comfort and good advice. It’s normal to feel a host of feelings ranging from anger to sadness (and even weird and random, short-lived spurts of happiness from time to time) as you grieve for whatever it is you have lost. The key is not to make that period last too long.

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Whatever happens, you always have a choice. There are always good things to look forward to if you look hard enough. Like in one movie where two old men are diagnosed with terminal cancer, they look past their situation and commit themselves to rediscovering and enjoying the last days they had. And we know that most of you out there don’t have anything anywhere near that. But the point is that if they can move on, so can you. Who knows, the truth this time around may be a pleasant one this time around.

Many people wish we could always talk to someone honest, someone who won’t tell lies, and if in case they do, we also want to know when they’re doing it. Sometimes we’re suspicious about out spouses, girlfriends or boyfriends, business partners, children, and co-workers, but we simply can’t put a finger on what’s really wrong. Being able to spot some basic signs of lying may help us solve this problem, and if ever, take steps to remedy the deception that’s taking place.

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Here are some tips to help you determine if a person is lying. Even though you might be hurt when you discover someone is feeding you with falsehoods, it’s much better to know the truth in the long run rather than believe a lie for years and years – you’ll discover it sooner or later, so better you know sooner to minimize the damage.

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Not making eye contact.

It is a general rule that people who shift their eyes and refuse to make eye contact are lying, but in some rare cases, some people aren’t used to making eye contact – it sometimes depends on their culture and their upbringing. Of course, there will be other more practiced liars like career cheaters and fraudsters who practice making eye contact even if they’re lying.

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Fidgeting and anxious body movements

Anxiety is another sign that a person may be lying – he or she fidgets and makes other body movements like tapping a foot or touches a part of their face. If there’s nothing to hide, then there’s really nothing to get anxious about, is there? Sometimes, liars inadvertently place objects between you and him (or her) due to a sort of subconscious defence mechanism.

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Always on the defensive

Liars generally have a fear that they’re going to be found out one day, so they’re overly defensive about things related to the lie and the deception. Again, if there’s nothing to hide, then there’s really nothing to defend against, right?

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Contradicting statements.

Liars tend to put up one lie on top of the other, and sooner or later they’re bound to slip. Watch out then, for inconsistencies in their stories and question them extensively about it. Speaking of contradictions, they don’t need to be all verbal – sometimes a facial expression does not match what a person is saying, you just might not be noticing it.

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Changing to subject

One of the common techniques of liars is to deflect from the issue at hand, and he or she will try to change the subject, or, at the very least, be very much willing to change the subject. A person who is truthful will generally not mind sticking to the topic you are talking about.

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Eye movements and delayed reactions

Sometimes liars will tend to look up when lying or have delayed reactions to an accusation or issue. This might mean that he or she is trying to think up a good reply – which is a good lie.

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